Is ‘Homosexual OCD’ – driving a car to be homosexual, despite being right – just internalised homophobia, or a significant mental disorder?
Hunched nude in the radiance of their iMac, 17-year-old Darren* typed the words ‘gay porn’ into Bing for the very first time.
“I don’t fancy guys,” he informs me. “I’d a gf, and just ever endured intimate emotions for ladies, but i recently could not shake the theory myself. that I happened to be somehow lying to”
He plugged in their headphones, clicked on an X-rated movie and took a breath that is deep. It had been around 3am, during summer of 2007, and relentless worries of homosexuality had tormented him considering that the beginning of the 12 months. “we just woke up one time and I also had been unexpectedly enthusiastic about it. It felt like every thing We thought I knew about myself had been dropping apart. It did not make any feeling.”
He viewed, anticipating one thing significant to stir upstairs or down. But there is absolutely absolutely nothing. Experiencing measure that is equal and beat, Darren turned off the monitor, laid flat on their bed and wrestled along with his doubts for a couple more time before finally surrendering to rest. He carried out of the exact same test nearly every evening for the following three months, constantly aided by the same outcome.